State of Flux

Rummage

You can lead a horse to water…

I went ahead and snooped – I rummaged through my past, I looked at old photos, I listened to old music, I sat with old memories. What seems like a shouldn’t become yeah you should, and it became time to reflect.

Since I’ve decided to bastardize my love for all things food and cooking I don’t even know where else to begin. Scratch that – I didn’t know where else to begin. I’ve fully accepted that I no longer want to cook like I used to – how does one lose interest so fast, and so hard?

Before I moved to New York I asked myself…”Hey Tina…when your old and on your deathbed, would you regret not having moved to New York when you had the chance to?”

I had no plans. I had no incentive. I had no known nothing… I had little to expect and not much to lose when I moved to NY. But give or take a year in – I lost all knowledge of what or who I was, and I completely lost my love for food and cooking. I disassociated myself from many a friend, from a stranger, from many a happy day.

New York is a spiral – a winding staircase that coils… the steps down disappear and the only thing you can do is … Step. by. Step.

Many a teary night, many a lonely fight but many a time to be lifted up.

I’ve learned a lot within these past few years – I’ve lost a lot in these past few years. I’ve gained a lot in these past few years – and not all were tangible.

When I cooked I remember asking another fellow fancy chef what changed when she started to cook. Her reply? “My palate” . When I cooked, I remember asking myself what the most important thing that I had learned. My reply? “When I became a cook I learned that within a split second I could lose my patience and gain it back.” Certainly, I ask myself way too many fuckin’ questions.

A test of will, endurance, humility…CHANCE. Just take it…what can you lose.

When I went on interview after interview here in NY someone had asked me “What has been the hardest part about New York?” My reply? STAMINA – But rummaging through my past does one thing. Rummaging through old photos, reconnecting with old friends, rummaging through old things…things…

This has taught me one thing – that if I thought those times were hard and if I got through then I can do it again – my stamina for the hustle isn’t the same but what stays the same?

It takes lots of stamina to muster up spirit when you no longer have an identity to which you were once so praised. You no longer have an identity – a box as you will – something you worked so hard towards. Now that box is ripped open – it’s ready for something new. I want to be liberated from that box.

You know…it’s been a tough one. Trying to find out who I am again – but I’ve made some strides.  Absolute solitude is my wakening force and trusted friend, I gotta say, New York is a great place for finding your gems again. Finding your voice again.

Time to take out the trash my friends.

Nacho Time…My time

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Time goes by so slowly with a man after midnight

Froth bitten

A few weekends ago I headed out of town.  I was hoping for a rock solid lake but due to the strangely warm weather, only parts of it remained frozen. Not the type you’d want to step onto. I came up with this drink while sitting next to a fire:

 Cold Springs Nectar or Cold Springs Froth-Bite or Lakeside Fire Shimmy.

Shake it…We couldn’t find a shaker so we opted for the french press- which we vigourously plunged up and down. It worked!

Cold Springs Nectar or The Cold Springs Froth Bite or Lakeside Fire Shimmy 
2 tablespoons lemon
1 ounce Pimms
1 ounce Whiskey
2 tsp freshly grated ginger
1 tablespoon honey
1/2 an egg white or 2 T Chickpea Juice or Aquafaba

In a shaker filled with ice squeeze 1/2 a lemon and place the 1/2 into the shaker. Pour the rest of the ingredients in and shake vigorously.

Pour into a strainer over ice and serve with a wedge of Lemon –

One Sunday Morning…

I decided to move to New York. It was a rushed decision…and here I am. This wasn’t a real easy move, but that’s completely relative. It has been easy in some aspects but for other reasons it’s also been quite hard. New York is so amazing, I wish I was here earlier. Lucky for me it hasn’t gotten really cold yet. New York I do I do I do love you. Never been so sure of anything. I love you.

Taking a break – Navigating to normalcy once more.

It’s strange the way it is…

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knock on wood

Feeling Cozy

 

Below are some photos of my food styling and recipe development for June Oven.

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Interview for Apiece Apart

td2I gotta pinch myself. This Summer, good friend and super talented photographer Leslie Williamsom came over to my home to capture me in my element (and of course that’s the kitchen) for New York clothing line ApieceApart. Ashley Helvey helped to style, and Leigh Patterson wrote the questions. I gotta say, the questions were thoughtful and I really enjoyed answering them.
Thank you so much for including me amongst all these great women!
td3
Here is a I created alongside the interview:
Can you share a recipe for an early fall/late summer dinner party? 
Grilled Cantaloupe and Prosciutto Salad, with Cherries, Chicories, Hazelnuts, and Feta
For the herb vinaigrette: 
1/4 cup champagne vinegar
1/2 tsp fine sea salt
1/4 tsp fresh ground black pepper
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup grapeseed oil
3 tablespoons finely chopped dill
2 tablespoons finely chopped chives

For the salad:
1/2 a small canteloupe – peeled, seeded, and cut into half-inch wedges
3 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 teaspoon fine grain sea salt
4 ounces frisee – cleaned and torn
2 small endives cut in half cores removed
8 cherries – pitted and cut in half
4 ounces feta
1/4 cup roasted hazelnuts – chopped
8 slices of thinly sliced prosciutto
To make the dressing: In a small bowl combine champagne vinegar, sea salt, black pepper. Slowly, drizzle in olive oil and grapeseed oil. Add chopped herbs and set aside. You want your vinaigrette to not separate much, so whisking away while adding in the acid will allow for a balanced and well-dressed salad.
To make the salad: Make sure grill is cleaned and hot in order to assure proper markings on the cantaloupe. In a medium bowl toss cantaloupe with olive oil and sea salt. Gently toss to coat. Set cantaloupe onto the grill and cook until warmed and markings are prominent, about 2-3 minutes. Do not flip (if you cook any longer they can get too soft). Meanwhile, cut endive into 1/2 inch crescents. Set aside. In a larger bowl combine frisee and endive with 4 tablespoons of dressing. On a small platter lay out the dressed greens. Then scatter the melons, cherries, feta, and hazelnuts. At this point you can drizzle 2 tablespoons more dressing onto the salad. Drape pieces of prosciutto over salad and serve.

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My favorite vegetable…….

I really do love my vegetables.